Centered Presence–Improve Your Connection in Relationships

August 17, 2009

Tools for Positive and Lasting Change for Personal, Professional and Romantic Relationships

Excerpt from:  Rekindle Your Romance, Complete Home Study Workbook by Diana Concoff Morgan
Gain increased self-awareness and change your cellular memory with this practice.

Here is a practice you can do today and every day to actually gain increased self-awareness and change your cellular memory.  It will reduce stress and create more peace in your life as well!  You will begin to notice an improvement in the relationships in your life.  We come into the world in a state of centered presence and we experience the core of who we are, the “I” that is connected to all of the universe.  This is our true nature, our authentic self.  It is a feeling of wholeness, a peaceful, blissful, joyous state of harmony.

The moment we take our first breath out of the womb, we experience our stress response.  We are moved by the first breath.  It is as if the body is breathed for the first time by whatever experience influences it in that moment.  We react to our very first experience of life, with our most basic survival fight or flight, freeze or faint stress response.  Whatever happened in that instant for you caused you to take a stand, to draw conclusions about the nature of life, of people, of your own existence, to be breathed in a certain way, to begin to develop a pattern of breath, a way of being in the world.

From the instant of that first breath onward, we make decisions about whether the world is safe or unsafe, friendly or unfriendly.  We make decisions about abundance and lack, love, loneliness, fear, approval and rejection.  We live out our lives holding onto these patterns of habitual response, drawing conclusions from them and taking them on as our truth without even realizing that’s what we are doing.  In reality, they are the truth from the center that we knew in the moment that we were first breathed, based upon whatever experience we had that caused that particular response.  If we had a different experience, we would know a different center, and from that center we would know a different truth.

Human beings are creatures of habit.    A habit originates as a stress response to a particular situation.  Something happens.  We react from an unconscious place.  The body/mind registers a cellular memory of reacting a particular way to a particular situation.  Eventually it becomes a habit.  As children we form beliefs based upon our patterns of habitual response.  In this way, our experiences create our personal history and we wear our personal history like an inner layer of clothing.   Each experience registers a cellular memory in the body/mind, and the body/mind takes on the shape of that experience including the emotions, feelings and thoughts.  There is a shape to anger, fear, disappointment, joy, happiness and every other emotion that exists.   We take on these shapes in our body/minds in different ways.

Try this experiment now:

Notice your body/mind right now just as it is.  Notice every part; your head, neck, shoulders, belly, back, arms, legs, breath, eye contact, throat and whatever else you notice.  Now…remember a situation that made you very angry.  Let yourself get as angry as you can about it.  Really get into it…  Now notice your body/mind.  Notice everywhere…Even notice how you see the world from where you are right now.

Can you detect how the shape of your body/mind has changed?  Where there was once calm and relaxation, there is tightness and tension.  Perhaps you are breathing now with more effort, or not breathing as deeply, or tightening your belly or another part of your body/mind.  This is what we mean when we say that emotions and feelings take on a particular shape in the body/mind.  Now… remember something that made you really happy… Let yourself get happy all over.  Let the shape of happiness change your body/mind.

Do you notice the shape of happiness in your body/mind?

Did you know you can actually change your personal history?

These shapes in the body/mind are created by trigger points, triggered habitual response patterns that become our personal history.

A situation occurs, triggers a cellular memory, a reaction. When our back is up against the wall, we do one of the following, fight or flight, freeze or faint based upon our habitual responses.   After years and years, we tend to react in the same way, healthy or not, effective or not.   When we react, the body/mind takes on the shape of the reaction, and then the body/mind holds the shape of that emotion, long after the situation has ended, creating an incredible amount of stress in the body/mind.   As you do this practice every day, you will begin to notice some amazing changes in your body/mind.  Next time you are going to have an interaction with your partner, child, co-worker, or friend, try this practice first.

Notice what you notice…


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