What the Self Help Books and Relationship Experts DON’T Tell You!

August 31, 2009

Five Rings Relationship Tools—Communicate From Your Whole Heart
Offering Tools for Lasting and Positive Change in Personal, Professional and Romantic Relationships…
What the Self Help Books and Relationship Experts DON’T tell you!
Have you ever read one of those self help relationship books when you were desperate for some help (or not even that desperate) with your partner  or some other person in your life, friend, co-worker, child family member.  You know, the ones, those really important relationships in your life that you can’t really just walk away from? I’ve read so many I can’t even count.  I tried all the exercises, went to the workshops, and listened to the teleseminar calls. 
All the so-called experts made it sound so easy.   I felt like there was something wrong with me because these tricks and quick fixed just didn’t work for me.  They didn’t get me the results I wanted with my partner. 
I really wanted to be able to sit down with my partner and just talk about our relationship.  I wanted to say what I wanted to say and I wanted him to say what he wanted to say.  In my perfect little fantasy, we would then negotiate what each of us was willing to give and change for the other person, make the changes and live happily ever after.  Sounds so simple, right?  Even as I write this article, I can hear those “relationship experts” on Oprah like Dr. Phil and so many others making fools of people like me on their shows, berating us because we just can’t figure out why these simple tips and tricks just didn’t do the trick.
After years and years of bad relationships, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, I finally realized that what was missing was the Whole Heart approach.  I just didn’t get that no matter how I said it or how many times I repeated it, nothing was ever going to change until I changed!
I had to look at myself and what I was really communicating, beneath my words.  I had no idea that I brought my entire history of every bad relationship to every interaction I had with my partner.  I was bringing all my anger, frustration and disappointment to this person, who had nothing to do with my past relationships.  Although I would say all those nice words that sounded really good on paper and do all those great techniques, nothing got better and things didn’t change for me.  Well, actually they did change…for the worse!
What I want to share with you is that it’s not as simple as some say.  It’s really and “inside job”.  By this I mean that you have to change yourself before you can change your relationships.  When your heart/mind and your body/mind are centered and present to your partner or to any person with whom you are interacting, your communication will convey your Whole Heart intention.  That is the Whole Heart connection.

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