“Till Death do us Part” or “Till the end of our Forever?”  You can re-choose your marriage!

 

First I want to say that some people use the expression “Till the end of our Forever” to mean even beyond death; forever meaning to eternity.  For the sake of this article, I am referring to the duration of your relationship in this lifetime in your current human forms.

That being said, I would like to share about the difference between the two statements, till death… and till the end of our forever…

 

 

There are many different kinds of marriages, many different reasons why people get married.  The day I met my husband, I fell in such deep love so quickly that I couldn’t imagine not spending the rest of my life with him, and he felt the same way.   I jumped into my marriage with both feet (so I thought) when I became pregnant.  I thought was I was saying, “Till death do us part” on the wedding day, but I was really saying “Till the end of our forever”.    The truth is that what I was really saying was, till death do us part, as long as it ‘s working for both of us, as long as we’re both doing everything we can possibly be doing to make it work, including but not limited to couples counseling and working on ourselves individually.

 

 

As much as I could know at that time, I knew that I wanted this man, whatever came with him, including 2 other marriages and 8 other children, an alternative lifestyle and a very eccentric personality (his, of course!).  I have a joke about getting your potential life partner’s resume and astrological chart before you jump into the marriage.  The truth is that, had I known then what I know now, I still would have married him, maybe just not a quickly.  I love all of him.  There have been things that have made the marriage challenging at times, but what relationship doesn’t have its share of challenges?  Those challenging times have made the marriage stronger. 

 

 

As a result of being fully committed to the marriage and working on myself individually and on our marriage together, I have learned how to be a friend to my husband.    I have learned unconditional love.  I have learned how to be there for someone like never before, how to stick around during the tough times.  I have learned how to let someone into my life in a way like I never have before.    And I am growing tremendously from this level of trust and intimacy.  

 

 

The difference between till death do us part and the end of our forever did not become clear to me until we had been married for about ten years.  We reached the end of our forever the first time at about ten years of marriage.  We gradually realized that the passion had left our marriage, the flame had gone out and we had become like roommates having sex, ships passing in the night.  We had to do some real soul searching and work on ourselves individually and as a couple.  After some really deep and difficult work, we re-chose our marriage and one another and came back to an even deeper, richer relationship.  Since that time, we have continued to work on ourselves and our relationship, re-choosing the relationship a few times and each time, experiencing a deeper more authentic connection.  It’s a difficult process and I’ll admit that sometimes, I have tried to ignore the problems and challenges, hoping they would just somehow go away.  But since we have had such a great relationship, it’s hard to not have that; hard to settle for less so I continue on, growing in this seminar called marriage.

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